A missive...

Whilst prowling the internets, it frequently occures to me to wonder what motivates a person, apparently normal in most respects, to concoct some of the rather astonishing features one frequently finds there.

Below I've reproduced in full a piece that I find to be utterly delightful. Better form would be to post a pithy excerpt and link but I fear that you, my dear readers, would fail to take the bait and explore this wonder in the detail that it deserves. So, from blog extraordinaire Sadly, No:

The Bad Boys,

One-a Dem Gummint Yards,

Trenchtown,KingstonJamaica

June 23, 2008

National Association of Police Organizations

317 South Patrick Street,

Alexandria,Virginia 22314

USA

Dear Sirs and Madams,

Some time has passed since your query first reached our desk, and we wish at once to reassure you as to the careful and detailed consideration it has undergone, through various internal committees and in a number of fact-finding initiatives. Indeed, your repeated and ongoing entreaties seem to imply a perceived lack of interest on our part, and we hope it is to your relief and satisfaction to learn that the dilatory nature of our response is due exclusively to the great care and attention with which we have considered it.

This brings us directly to the first item. Simply, sirs, and madams of law enforcement, the apparently ceaseless crescendo that your query has reached, its trumpeting repetition at all hours on cable and satellite television, has forced us not only to concur with your assertion that police naw give you no break, but further to suspect that not a soldier mon naw give you no break.

The effect on our well-being has been noticeable. We should like to reserve special mention for Sheriff John Brown, whose coming has been heralded with such spectacular fanfare that we feel a clawing unease as each new sunset finds him still on his dawdling way. Truly, sirs and madams, while once we found it troubling that not even we i-dren naw give us no break, it has lately begun to seem to us as though nobody naw give us no break!

Our second item is by way of explanation. As you say, the education system taught us at a young age to do unto others as we would have others do unto ourselves, such that the reasons for our unwise behavior might easily be unclear to a casual observer. Nonetheless, we have come to believe that it is necessary, in life, to give vent to the choleric passions (e.g., activities including robbin’, stobbin’, lootin’, and a-shootin’), and perhaps here is the nexus of our disagreement, for we remain unconvinced as to the utility of relaxation as a counterstrategy.

Thus we come to the answer toward which you have so zealously inquired. Our intention, since you ask, is to chuck it on that one, to chuck it on this one, to do likewise to various mothers and fathers, to similarly treat an array of brothers and sisters, to once again chuck it on that one, and then to chuck it on Mr. Calton Coffie, until 1995 the lead vocalist of the reggae ensemble, Inner Circle. Our intention as to Coffie’s replacement, Kris Bentley, is to chuck it on him.

We hope this clears things up and look forward to finally meeting Sheriff John Brown, should he not continue, as it seems, to be held up by other commitments.

Best Wishes,


The Bad Boys

P.S.: Yuh nuh know seh wi nuh give a damn if dem hate wi.